I was reading I don't know - I can't really call him a friend because I've never really talked to him before... not necessarily just a random xanga... so acquaintance? or something.. anyway who cares. yeah I was reading it... and he posted this article about being single and how it all correlates to God and what not. The thing left me speechless.

I am very confused at this point in my life when it comes to my religious standpoint and all. I mean, I believe in God but I don't think I need to belong to a specific religion to prove that. I love being open to learning about every religion out there. I would have to say most of my morality and views on life have a lot of christianity and catholicism persuasion.

Maybe I should start my own religion with my beliefs... Or just practice whatever I want within my own house. I would really like to find a place of worship that I feel comfortable with. My biggest problem is going alone... I hate going anywhere alone and especially being a church where people would look at me funny or make me feel uncomfortable.

I do not condone homosexual behavior. I do have friends that choose that lifestyle. I don't judge them based on how they live their life tho. But, I also believe... that love has no gender. If two men fall in love. or two women. Who gives you the right to judge them, or question their love?

And who is to say that two men or two women who truly love each other cannot raise a child? There's no proof that the child will grow up to be gay too. How many straight parents raise a gay child? What about that thought?

If gay marriage and relationships are so wrong in our country... what about other things that are in the bible? What about adultery? How many people cheat on their spouses and its ok?

Oh and my thought on a possible draft... what about taking all those gang banger yadda yaddas and juvenile deliquents that want to blow things up and shoot people... how bout shipping their booty's over to iraq? Even tho that brings up a question of discipline and could possibly result in more harm. Such as killing innocent people, robbing banks and what not... but hey it was a cool thought for a moment.

I cuss way too much (sometimes almost as much as a drunken sailor). I drink. ( I don't over do it, and it's rare when I do). I like boys (it's a weakness and just because I like them doesn't mean that I sleep with them.)

I do, however, feel very empty at times. Maybe it's because I am missing something huge. I don't know.

In response, to the article - I, earlier used as a reference.... I long for a whole relationship where I feel of importance. I want something real, something fully aware of life, something that I will not take for granted, and something that I feel comfortable in. Someday, I do want a marriage. I want a family. I want to be a mom... Even like I said, just a relationship that is at least going somewhere would be nice...Is it wrong of me to feel this way?

In the past year, I've grown very independent. I hate to ask for help, I hate to be clingy... I want to do everything on my own. I live on my own, I make my own money, I pay for things... I've been single per se, since January. After Josh broke up with me, it took me a really long time to get over it. I felt very depressed, disappointed in myself, and not good enough. I've learned that it wasn't my fault. I did what I could. Things didn't work out, and I accept that. That's really the first time anything ever felt real, though. I've been dating guys since then. but they always feel like a dead end... just another road leading to nowhere.

My biggest problem is realizing that I need to work on myself before I can let anyone in. Love myself before I love someone else... right?

Ok so serious entries for me suck... leave me some thoughts on things. I like to hear others' opinions and where they stand on things...