I think I feel a lot worse than I've been letting on to everyone. Fake Smiles are a lot easier than to sit down and tell someone what all is going on.

I'm extremely frustrated with things. Job situations aren't working out, I have all these great qualifications, but yet I don't hear anything back from them. or I'm "too good" for the job. I think I probably ruined any chances of going to school next semester because I waited around too long. I'm tired of being a convenience for everyone...

I got really upset last night when I heard about my grandmother moving... makes me feel like I'm not important... like I don't matter to anyone to not tell me things like this.

I did get an email from my Dad last night, which shocked the hell out of me. I wrote him a letter, and he responded to it. Wow. We'll see what happens with that.

I'm really anxious about Christmas and New Year's. I'll get to see Josh. It kills me that he is so far away right now. But I'm OK with that, because I know everything will work out before long. Gotta have faith.. which is sometimes very hard. But I love him a lot, that I'm not worried about any of that.

My Mom and Josh have been a true blessing to me. If it weren't for them, I don't know what I'd do. Probably would have given up a long time ago.